Me, Again

img-thingI think I liked it better when my blog was completely anonymous. I could write about, just, anything that I wanted. I could write every single feeling I felt. I could share with the world, every minute detail of every experience I’ve ever had. All, without fear of judgement or retribution.

Things have certainly changed since then. I definitely take what I write into consideration more, keeping in mind how my words may affect others. It is a truly terrible thing when a writer must edit for reasons other than grammar or context.

I cannot, truly, convey how greatly I appreciate everyone that has continued to read my posts and follow my life’s journey through the very words in which I use to describe it. In fact, if you didn’t continue to remind me that you are all still listening, I know that “Playing With My Friends” would have ended long, long ago.

That being said, please understand… This is how I vent off my frustrations, trials, and fears. It is, also, how I share my greatest accomplishments and joy. Thanks to your support, I have continued access to the best counselors available, anywhere. True experts on me, in general. Thank you, my friends. I am in need of your services again.

First off, I’m not trying to make myself out to be some kind of saint. By no means, am I ever trying to convince anyone that I’m any more or any less human than anyone else. I am, certainly, nowhere near sainthood. Shit. I don’t even go to church regularly, like I used to.

I know that, sometimes, I may cum off that way. That’s, most likely, because you only hear my side of the story. As you know, there is always more than just one. However, I haven’t lied to you. Just remember to take all I say with, just, a grain of salt. Perhaps, even a dash. Season it as best you can, for this particular dish is flavorless, but served in the sincerest of hopes that you can help me better understand why.

I felt it upon my heart to do something about the current situation and availability of genuine female escorts, here, in my area of Florida. Actually, Alabama seems to be suffering from the same scarcity of legitimate ladies who actually enjoy sex. I don’t know why I ever thought I could help.

The truth is, there just aren’t that many good escorts in the South. It’s sad. Actually, it’s downright pitiful. Southerners are supposed to be completely golden when it comes to hospitality and true Southern comfort. And, certainly, big tittied, beautiful women aplenty. But, lately, (actually, maybe, always) it just seems to be the slimmest of pickins.

I don’t know why any escort would feel the need to take it upon herself to try to provide more competition, but I did. I mean, surely, I’m not the only one that’s noticed this situation. Too many men. Too few workin girls. You agree?

You see, I can tell by how busy I am, how many messages I receive, how many phone calls I return, how many emails fill my inbox, how many private messages pile up on my website, that the demand is much, much higher than the, true, supply here.

There’s just far more work than there are, actual, working females to complete it. That is why I find it so difficult to believe that any escort could ever be jealous of another around here. Quite simply… Who has the time??

So, I’m crazy. Right? I must be crazy to think that I, myself, could somehow be responsible for changing this. Any of this. The amount of girls that we have. The quality of the ones that are available. Any of it. But, I kinda feel like I could. Maybe…

My first attempt… Well, it was downright sad. I mean, I knew the girl well enough. I just hadn’t checked in on her in quite awhile. She definitely wasn’t prepared for this lifestyle. At all. She never paid attention to anything I said, so, she never, really, made any money. Honestly, I wish that I had done just a little more investigating before I began investing my personal time with her. But, that’s all over now.

I learned greatly from my first mistake. This time, I chose much more wisely. First, I put out feelers for the exact sort of person I was looking for. It took months before I even got my very first response back. Out of the five girls that were suggested to me, and interviewed by me, only one of them came even close to my type of personality and enthusiasm when it came to having fun. Most importantly, she was honest and sincere. So, very much, like me.

There’s no doubt that some of you think that this must be some kind of money making scheme for me. How? I’m no manager, and I, certainly, don’t believe in pimps. Truthfully, there’s no intention on my part, whatsoever, of making even a dime off of anyone that I’ve helped transition into this business.

That being said, I’ve spent quite a bit. True. Not so much on the first girl. It was evident, almost immediately, that she wasn’t going to work out. But, this new one, my sister… Well, lemme just say, I’ve already spent well over $500 to purchase her clothing and the like, so that she would be able to take pictures, and be prepared to dress for dates. And, never once, thought twice about it.

More importantly, I gave her my time. Once I realized that she was THE ONE, I spent, just about, every WAKING moment that she was available to cum over, teaching her about how to navigate escort websites, how to post ads, pointers on pictures, and went through her knowledge of the business, so that I was able to fill in any necessary information needed for this particular type of job.

Finally, I took a step back and caught my breath. She had IT. This lady was a total winner. She definitely had a bright future ahead of her. She had the look. She had the attitude. She was just a decent, honest person. I mean, she IS a decent, honest person. I mean…

I was proud, and I was so happy. I knew that, so, many fellas were going to be overjoyed at the presentation of someone so new and fresh and hot. She would be able to help fulfill the needs of so many deserving men in our area, and, others, traveling through. I couldn’t wait for her to begin to see her own dreams fulfilled, as well.

I know, I always sound so sure of myself. Like, I’m confident, and I know what I’m talking about. Or, that I know just the right way of doing things or going about getting things done. It’s all bullshit. I fuck up constantly. I do learn from my mistakes, sometimes. but, then, I just make brand new mistakes. It’s sad, really.

All of the thinking, the dreaming, the imagining, the foretelling of how this might have, surely, turned out… I never could have imagined I’d be sitting here telling the story this way right now. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t have invested so much into this project, had I not thought that it would benefit every single person involved.

But, I made a mistake. You see, I like to think that I’ve surrounded myself with friends. That’s just not true. Friends don’t fuck you over. Friends don’t act sneaky or try to do things behind your back. Friends know you so well that they would never expect you to have ill intentions towards anyone else. At least, when it came to my friends, I honestly thought I knew this all to be true.

I wish I could tell you what happened, but I don’t even fuckin know. I introduced my girl, my sister, my new friend, to two guys that I am extremely close to. Two of my closest friends. Also, two friends who lived very near to me and were, both, very accomplished in the field of hobbying.

You see, I needed something that I couldn’t get myself. I needed information on her bedroom compatibility. She was aware of this. We discussed it. The review process is very public, very open, very invasive. But, it is also very, very necessary. And, it can also be very, very good for the right kind of escort.

It was very, very good for my own career.

My friends were supposed to give me the details of their play dates, so that my new sister and I could go over these and come up with ways to improve areas that she might not have been batting 100%  in. Every girl could use a little improvement SOMEWHERE. This is a fact. No girl is perfect. That goes for me, as well.

I had never spoken to anyone she had, actually, ever been with, so I wasn’t really sure of what to expect when she was alone with someone. I needed this information to make her the best that she could possibly be. To hone any areas that required a little extra oomph before she actually went public. She understood this and was in complete agreement that it was, indeed, necessary.

My first friend was AMAZING. I could tell he was totally smitten with her, so I didn’t expect his review to be what I was looking for, exactly. I was wrong. He did a wonderful job, giving away several personal details that, not only, impressed me, but put me right there in the room while the magic happened. (Very difficult to do with just words.)

I’m so grateful to him. Not only did he give us this information freely, willingly, and quickly, but he also gave me the exact same donation he gave her, despite the fact that my only contribution was the setup. I mean, I didn’t do anything else, so I didn’t really deserve it. It was the kindest thing that anyone’s ever done in such a situation. In fact, I fell into tears as soon as he left, thinking, what an amazing friend. He knew exactly what I needed. I didn’t even have to ask.

My other friend, however, was a major disappointment. I don’t know what happened, exactly. He arrived, and I threw a big hug on him and commented on how big a teddy bear he was, and what a nice guy, and he was my best friend and all. It’s just how I feel when I see him. He’s such a nice guy, I thought. I thought…

I guess I could, kind of, tell that he was a little uncomfortable with the way that I greeted him. So, I pulled away and told her that she was going to have a great time. He would definitely take care of her. Then, I sent them on their way.

They emerged about 20 minutes later. I won’t lie. I was stunned. I didn’t know him ever to be under a two-hour kind of guy. But, whatever. Maybe she had just really put it on him.

I didn’t realize that he hadn’t given me a hug when he left, until later. Actually, it wasn’t even later. It was the following day. I guess I should have noticed immediately, being that he had shown discomfort, or, at least, I thought he had, only a few minutes after arriving. But, I had so much going on, and I was so very excited that she was, finally, getting started on such a great footing. I guess, I just overlooked it.

Due to high demand, I had been planning a trip to a nearby beach town, about an hour and a half away from Pensacola. I mean, I guess it’s about that far. Unfortunately, I didn’t really look up the hotel rates in advance and, instead, waited until the day of, and found myself in a terrible quandary. Worse than a quandary. I couldn’t even go.

I knew I’d been getting low on money, because I had dedicated so much of my time to helping her. I did not, however, realize that I was OUT of money (like, completely out of money, except for the money that was given to me the night before by my AMAZING friend). I just didn’t have enough to pay for the gas and the hotel in the town I’d planned on visiting.

I was heartbroken.

Truthfully, I felt like I had let everybody down. I had received SO MANY responses about cummin, that I could just envision a sea of angry faces, or an ocean of disappointed looks, or just a tidal wave of shaking heads. I don’t know. I just imagined everybody being so upset with me. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to face them. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable.

I couldn’t even think of what to say yet. I just felt so awful that I was a complete nervous wreck. Honestly, I was, just, shy of hysterical. The tears kept flowing, and I was so confused. I couldn’t quite figure out what I was going to do. How was I going to explain to everyone that I had fucked up so badly? I mean, I had people scheduled to meet with me THAT VERY DAY, and there was, ABSOLUTELY, NO WAY that I was able to do that now.

I, kind of, realized, almost immediately, that the main issue was my anxiety over being in a new town without transportation or friends or any means of help at all, should something happen. It freaked me out. It’s possible that the anxiety had just been growing the entire time I’d been planning the trip. Who knows??

What I do know, is that it all culminated that morning in, just, the worst possible breakdown you can possibly imagine. I’m in my chair, just sobbing pitifully. Unsure of what to do or how to think or how to even stop crying so I could figure anything out.

A few friends contacted me during this time. Probably, the worst time of my life for someone I care about to contact me. I felt so shitty and awful that I probably insulted every person that reached out to me that day, without meaning to. I just couldn’t understand how anybody could even like me after I had made such a huge mistake. I’m sure I lost more than a few friends that day over my own insecurities and childishness. (I still am unable to even talk about that, really, right now.)

I had contacted that second friend from the night before (my best friend) about giving me the details of his tryst with my “sister”. He didn’t give me a review. He didn’t offer any details. He, actually, kinda acted, a little, like I was invading their privacy. I was confused, because this had all been discussed, in her very presence, and his, the day before.

That, and his odd behavior when I hugged him in front of her, were not even a factor this particular morning, due to my complete obsessed thinking in regards to my unfulfilled trip. But, like a true friend, he offered help. A little odd, for him, really. Actually, VERY ODD. He offered me gas money. Even suggested, several times, to cum up with some kind of a plan, so that he’d be able to assist me in accomplishing it. ANYTHING, to help me get to where I needed to go.

I was too upset to explain to him that it was too late. There was just no way I could have made the trip in the state that I was in. Unfortunately, texting was impossible for me, at that moment. He messaged me several times, and I tried to explain, but I know that it didn’t come out properly. He seemed very frustrated and put off by it all.

It wasn’t until later, she approached me to find out if it was still alright if he met her at my house that evening around 8 pm. Of course, it was okay. I felt guilty, now, because I had offered my home to her for work while I was away. I didn’t mind if they had another date there. Actually, I was kind of surprised he hadn’t just mentioned it when he was texting me repeatedly about helping me get to Fort Walton Beach.

Then, it occurred to me. Why hadn’t he just been honest? I mean, it’s true. I should have noticed that he normally didn’t offer that much support (or ANYTHING, REALLY) about any situation that I’ve ever experienced in the past. But, I didn’t. Now, I understood why he wanted so badly to assist me in leaving my own home.

I couldn’t believe it. He was supposed to be my best friend. Why would he feel uncomfortable about telling me that he wanted to meet with her again while I was gone?? I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have just mentioned it during the several hours that he was pretending to provide me support. It, seriously, wouldn’t have been a big deal to me. Why was it such a big deal to him??

You better believe, I told him where to get off. It was obvious that he just wanted me away so that he could meet with her, again, privately. But, he was completely aware that she would be using my home while I was gone. Where was the secrecy? Why was there a need for it at all? She didn’t feel like there was anything to hide when she asked me if it was still alright for them to still meet there. What the fuck was going on????

Of course, I confronted him about it. No one has to lie to me. There are lots of things that upset me. This was not one of them. But, even the things that upset me are quite easily forgotten, if they’re brought to my attention honestly. But this one wasn’t, and I made it clear to him that I didn’t know what was going on, but that I didn’t appreciate it. I thought I had given him this wonderful opportunity, because he was such a close confidant of mine. I could see he was trying to be sneaky, but for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why.

Suddenly, I see her putting her things together. I’ve worked with her for so long now, I could tell very quickly what was going on. She had a hard time looking me in the eyes. That was very odd. She’s so much like me, and we like to look in each other’s eyes. Is just what honest people do when they talk to each other. But, she seemed to be having such a difficult time doing that, now. I, truly, couldn’t understand.

I assured her that it was all alright. She could totally meet anyone I knew, that she wanted at my house. In fact, I would even leave, if that made everyone more comfortable. I had made her aware that there may be times that she would need to use a hotel so that I could work, also, and she reminded me of this. I knew what was going on. I just didn’t quite understand why. Unfortunately, I was so upset about the whole trip thing that it all kind of flew over my head.

She was gone. I didn’t know how she was going to afford the room with only the one date. You see, she hadn’t taken the information on her email or her eccie account with her. It would have been impossible for her to have made any dates following that one with any of my friends from eccie.

Besides, the room alone was going to cost, at least, half of what she was going to make on the solo date. My suggestion was to just make him pay for it, since he needed her to leave my home, anyway, to be more comfortable. It was evident, because we think so much alike (and, so, very clear by her saddened expression), she would pay for the room herself, without even asking him.

I haven’t seen her since. I’ve spoken to her. Something’s different. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if he said something that, maybe, made her think that I had ill intentions. I don’t know if he said something, just plain, bad about my character. I don’t know if she’s just embarrassed, because she knows she made a bad decision. I don’t know. I, just, don’t know anything.

I do know, that I’ve lost my friend. I do know, that I might have lost more than one friend. I do know, that I invested a whole lot of time in someone that, I’m not sure, I’ll ever see again. I do know, that she left several hundred dollars worth of clothing here that I purchased for her to work in. I do know, that she deserved this opportunity more than anyone I’ve ever met. I do know, that I feel like a fool for ever sticking my neck out at all. I do know, sharing this with ya’ll has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

So, how do I end this?? Well, to be honest with you, it looks like it’s ended itself. I’m sure she’ll return, and I’ll give her all the support that I did before, and I will continue to help her succeed as best I can. But, some of the fight in me is gone. It’s not her fault. It’s not her fault, at all. Maybe, it’s mine.

Look, I only wanted to help. I hoped that so many fellas would be delighted to have some new company to enjoy. I hoped that I could hook up a few of my friends, too, and give them first dibs on some fresh candy. I had hoped that when I decided to go get my surgery done, I would have somebody I could trust to sit at my home with my dog and continue to keep my fellas happy, so that they would still be here, waiting for me, when I returned.

I think I wanted too much. Maybe, I just expected too much. Maybe, I should just keep my nose out of everyone else’s business. Maybe, I already realize all of the above are true. Maybe, I’m not very good at helping people at all.

So, there’s no witty ending. No lesson tucked in that you didn’t realize you’d even learned. There’s no joke or underlying meaning. There’s just me. Alone. Nothing new here.

How are you??


4 Replies to “Me, Again”

  1. Laney, I am sorry to read about how this went down. No you’re not perfect, but I tell you straight, you are not just one helluva lover. You are one helluva person. And if you EVER get in a jam like that again, you text me, and we’ll handle it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The little I’ve gotten to know you does not mean I don’t know you. You throw yourself at everything because you are so sincere and passionate. You love this business. Unfortunately your expectations of others is driven by your expectations of yourself, and sadly, so many people fail to live up to those expectations. It’s so hard to keep that in perspective when other people are not genuine.

    Stay gold for you truly are.

    Liked by 1 person

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