Good morning, friends. It looks like this may be the very first morning, in what seems like forever, that I’m able to post before lunch. Oh, no. I didn’t mean YOUR lunch. More like, MY LUNCH. You know… like, around 2ish. Oh, cum on. I’m just teasin ya. (Possibly, 3pm. Latest.)
About twenty minutes ago, I had an entire post all written up and awaiting editing. But, by an overwhelming majority vote, I tossed the entire thing out. And… Well. Here I am! (Hope you don’t mind. You weren’t here, so I voted for ya.)
Trust me. Everyone is much better off for not having read any of it. It was full of profanity (so unusual for me), passion, and, if I had to guess, a wee bit of puke. Heads were sure to roll.
But… I squashed the entire thing. For more than just one reason, really.
I’m sure some of you have noticed a change in my writings over the past year. The most obvious, my difficult return to true transparency, again, despite the many positive effects honesty and openness, have made in my life and for this blog.
No. Disposing of my heartfelt words was not easy, in the least. However, they were written out of frustration and pain. Needing to yell to the rafters to vent off this anxiety, I chose my preferred method of writing.
It wasn’t until editing finally began, that I experienced, for myself, that raw emotion I’d found so easy to pen in ink. These were the ravings of an extremely outraged woman, full of anger and passion, in equal doses.
Disappointment seasoned this brew, forming a stew, thick and hearty, rich with disgust. Once ingested, though… God! …one of the most bitter of tastes I’ve ever experienced. I, immediately, recognized the only truly discernable flavors that remained, now, were irony and defeat.
I was only about halfway through the very first paragraph, when I forced myself to stop reading, altogether. The thoughts that had plagued my skull all yesterday evening, had taken on a life of their own, once ink met paper. Oh, believe me. It was not a pretty sight, at all.
So, as not to offend, I’m gonna try to rephrase this as best as I’m able. Please note, the possibility is still great that you may be one of my unhappy readers, today. Well… Join the fuckin club.
Wow. I’ve been an idiot this ENTIRE year. Y’all told me I was different, and, now, I truly do get it. I am nothing like the other providers I work around. But, most surprisingly, I’m not a damn thing like you fellas, either. Despite what I may have thought. (I hate giving fuel to those that would love to see me burn, but… I just don’t think I care anymore.)
In a year’s time, I have, finally, managed to gain some respect on that website. It took them awhile to notice, but… finally. Or… So, I thought. What a fool I’ve been. Well, perhaps, that’s not completely true. No. Actually, it’s spot on.
So, hey. What does that make y’all?? Look, I’m sure it’s not absolutely EVERYONE, but if you stand idly by listening, as someone tears another to shreds, doing nothing… Mainly, because, said “victim” has absolutely NO knowledge of the exchange at all, in my very own personal opinion… you are so very much worse than the offender could ever be.
In fact… Kinda makes you a pussy, in my book. But, like I said, that’s just my opinion.
Ha. Ha. Laney. What a kidder. I assure you. This is no joke. Not only do I have nothing in common with the majority of you reading, I am quite sure I have been duped by just about any and everyone on my website, perhaps, just in the hopes of somehow taking advantage of my good nature.
Well, done. You succeeded. I show y’all my appreciation, and it’s completely taken for granted. I loosen the boundaries to make our playtime more fun… Y’all have a fuckin parade up and down my boundary, shouting out my weakness to anyone within earshot.
Well, fuck you. My honesty, integrity, and openness are NOT A FUCKIN WEAKNESS. But, fuck it. I certainly don’t expect any of y’all to understand.
How could you understand me? I obviously
DO NOT BELONG HERE.