UR no trip. More like, a Fuckin Vacation.

2017-06-05-05-51-11-344[1]Have you ever seen anyone stumble?? It begins as a small stutter in their step. Just enough to throw them off balance. Suddenly, their feet begin to trip one right over the other, repeatedly. This slow-motion, dance of chaos, ALWAYS, EVENTUALLY, ends with a great big landing of pain and agony.

It seems my life has always been, very much, like that stumble. Every now and then, you might, actually, catch me upright and moving forward, powered by my very own momentum. Of course, just as soon as I’m about to pat myself square on the shoulder in accomplished glee, I trip; stumble; almost plant myself, face-first, into the sidewalk that loomed ever closer beneath my, oh, so, unsteady feet.

Seriously. Who would REALLY be all that surprised to see me do that? Just watch me skid directly down onto my face? Not me. Not NO ONE! Shit! It’s happened plenty of times before. I’ve begun my life over again, so many times, that I’m, intensely, weary of it. And, of course, just, dead tired of moving my meager belongings from one place to another. Or, having to replace ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, all over again. (That happens more often than not.) It’s probably just my age. (A lady’s 20’s can be so difficult, you know.)

I’d have to say, my very first stumble was walking down the aisle to accept my high school diploma, 8 1/2 months pregnant. Believe me, that was, actually, nothing. Sure, I may have THOUGHT it was the end of my world. And, truthfully, it was the end of the world as I knew it, at that time. Little did I know, my entire life would be packed full of close calls. Or, stumbles. If you prefer.

Yup! That was, DEFINITELY, one hell of a stumble. However, I have, yet, to fully hit the ground. It’s, like, my feet just refuse to give into the fall. There is no doubt, that, anyone who witnesses this precarious balancing act of mine, would, quite possibly, find themselves in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Trust me. When I fuck up, I do it with bells and whistles.

That’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about. My life is so ridiculous. I mean, just, absolutely, ridiculous. Almost, as if, I have no control over any of it, at all. I guess no one, truly, ever does. Shit! That’s enough for ya’ll?? I am not sure that is anywhere near enough for me.

I know you’re trying to read my words before I can even type them. You want to know of my new transgressions. Yes. Well, I’m in some kind of mood, today. I’m not sure this post will even make much sense. But…you know me. I must vent it up, out and off; into the universe (before it truly begins to break me).

Did you know that you can actually become weary from bitchin?? Me either. LOL. Until now. I don’t wanna yell. Or scream. Or make a huge display out of anything. I do need to unload some of these emotional burdens that are recently plaguing my spirit. Quickly, before my knees, finally, buckle for good. Not only will I fall… This time, I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to get back up. So… Here goes.

(One might possibly refer to this as short and sweet.)

Okay, to the fellas out there that owe me cash… OH, STOP! You know who the fuck you are! I agreed to give ya’ll another chance. Of course, I didn’t tell you what I expected. (Decency and respect. A fuckin apology and the money you owe me back would be nice) No. Because, as much as ya’ll have claimed to care about me, you should know exactly how these dates should have transpired.

Now, was I surprised to find only a single donation left behind for me?? GOD, NO! OF COURSE, NOT. You, see… I’m not fuckin stupid. Ya’ll ripped me off, already. Completely, off. With no remorse or guilt, at all. Goddamnit, D Panty!!! I didn’t even hear from you for, like, SIX FUCKIN MONTHS, after you stiffed me on my rent money!! (You even lied and said you were gonna bring it by. Didn’t give a fuck about me having a place to live, that’s apparent.) 

Nope. I set ya’ll up. Actually, I just didn’t tell you what to do. Why should I give you hints on how not to be a fuckin douchebag?? Eh? If you gave, even, half a shit about me, you would have known instinctively. Selfish, greedy pricks. It’s the fuckin principle. YA’LL USED ME!

If that wasn’t LOUD or CLEAR enough, DON’T FUCKIN CALL OR TEXT OR EMAIL ME, AGAIN. I NO LONGER WISH TO CONTINUE A FRIENDSHIP WITH SUCH LOSERS. (You fuckin heard me. What you did was steal. You stole from me. You’re thieves. And, too fuckin lame to even realize it.) GOOD RIDDANCE.

I’m used to people fuckin me over. I only ask one thing, and that is, please don’t ever lie to me. And if you do, admit it immediately. Friends work through shit TOGETHER. Friends DO NOT, however, bullshit each other. I’ve never lied to you. Fuck you for ever lying to me.

Is it so hard to be honest?? Is it so difficult to trust someone? Why is it so difficult for anyone to be trusted?? 

Look, friends. I’m stumbling. My head is spinning, and my feet are tripping repeatedly over each other. I’m concerned. Besides, I’m not ready for road rash. (YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT PAIN.) 

Truthfully, if I WERE to fall… This time, I think I’m just gonna stay completely down. I’ll pretend to be dead, so all of you phonies can retreat, rather than fake concern for my well being. Besides, it’s probably better down there, anyway. There’s way TOO MUCH, fuckin hot air up here. (And, I’m pretty sure someone farted.)

Now, go away. I’m down and inconsolable, at present time. Besides, I may have stumbled, but you’re really the one who’s trippin.

Enjoy the ride prepared for you personally by my good friend Karma.

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4 comments

  1. Karma always has her say in the end. I don’t ever fuck around with that bitch.
    You just keep being you dear, you are great at that. Remember that there are those of us out there who truly enjoy you, just as you are. Not perfect, but singularly unique and (IMHO) pretty fucking fabulous!! (Double entendre completely intended).
    See you very soon dear. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whatever happened to the universal rule of escorting: Pay First Fuck Later. If you’ve twisted this into some kind of Fuck Me Now Pay Me Later sex on credit deal, guys are gonna rip you off. You should know better hon.

    Liked by 1 person

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