Oh, my dear, dear friends. I haven’t spoken to ya’ll in so long that my body seems bloated with all this bullshit to say that I haven’t gotten off of my chest yet. Oh… That’s one ugly picture.

Okay. Imagine that it’s just my tits. Yeah. My tits are all big and swollen from all the shit I’ve been keeping inside. Well, then. Let me just let those babies out for ya!

So, I’ve been keeping busy lately. And, I’ve definitely had a lot on my mind. But there really hasn’t been any dilemma or chaotic situation happening in my life anytime recently. You know… Like usual.

I made my rent early. I washed up all of my clothes. (Now, folding them is a totally different story.) I’ve re-upped on all my delicious smoke. Bubblegum kush. Oh… And I just sucked the most beautiful cock. Smooth sailing. Ya hear me?

It’s true. I’m always thinking. I definitely spend a whole lot of my time trying to figure out why people do things that, if put in the exact same situation, I, myself, would never do. I mean… I truly think of this constantly.

Ya’ll know that I am, of course, a girl. Meaning that I am emotional. I may seem very aggressive and dominant at times, but that’s really not me at all. At least, I don’t think it is.

People do things that I just don’t believe I’d ever do. No matter the circumstances. I’m not perfect, by any means, but something inside definitely prevents me from doing things that may have the potential of hurting others.

I suppose it has to do with the way I was raised. So, I spend a great deal of my time contemplating what external factors could cause a normally morally-minded person to do evil things to others?

While that’s churning around in there, CONSTANTLY, I think about lots of other shit, too. Mostly, sex and relationships. Yeah. I can see you’re sooo surprised.

Well, I mean relationships… ALL relationships. Not just the ones involving a lover, necessarily. But, also… You know. Your friends, too. Those are DEFINITELY relationships.

Well, my life is FILLED with TONS of relationships. Each one has different terms and separate boundaries, but they are ALL relationships to me.

I’d like to think that since I did my spring cleaning on all of my old druggy friends’ phone numbers, that anyone who may be bad for me has, most likely, been put out already.

But, there’s SO MANY relationships. So many DIFFERENT types of relationships. How could one ever know EVERYONE that is bad for them?? Impossible. Right?

Now, I know that I have a lot of haters out there. And, I certainly know that they are probably gonna be the very first readers of this post. So, it would not surprise me at all to find that they are picturing me right now contemplating the relationship that WE share.

HELLO! HATERS?? I don’t have a fuckin relationship with you! So, you’re perfectly welcome to stop reading RIGHT NOW. Of course, we all know you won’t. You can’t help it. How lame is your life??

And, we certainly wouldn’t be surprised to hear these exact words brought up later, only twisted and distorted in such a way to leave me sounding spiteful and menacing. You’re so predictable by now, you know?

Like anyone would ever believe THAT bullshit about receiving a call from a concerned friend informing you that I’m talking shit about you again. What a fuckin joke! You amuse the shit out of me, Looney Tunes. Who knew? HATERS CAN BE LOTS OF FUN!

I’ve allowed that hater bullshit to be a big influence on me and my beloved writing. However, it seems like, up until this point, my blog has garnered more negative attention than it has positive. Or, at least, the negative is always screamed so much louder.

It absolutely BLOWS ME AWAY that there’s ANYONE out there hating on me that has never even met me before. Shit. If you need a reason to hate me, sweetie, I can certainly give ya a reason. 

There’s always some passionate bullshit cummin out of my mouth. I’m sure you could find SOMETHING in there offensive. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Not intelligent enough to know when the joke is over, and it is time to exit, stage left?? Your jabs at my character are immature and poorly thought out. You’ve now marked yourself as vengeful and delusional. I’ll say it again… YOU MARKED YOURSELF!

But, by all means, DON’T STOP NOW! Without all of the plotting against me and all of the hate… Who are you anymore? Really? Well??

My bad. Did they already leave? Hell, yeah! Just us again! Let me talk to ya, peeps!

There used to be this fella that would make it a point to speak to me EVERY SINGLE DAY. He would text me in the morning to wish me a good day. He’d text me in the afternoon, inquiring on the naughty deeds I’d performed since last we spoke. He was just always there for me… It seemed.

I could always count on him to care about how I was feeling. Overall, just a really super guy. He claimed to be my biggest fan. Chris, my biggest fan.

I don’t expect you to remember every post that I’ve made, so, it is not surprising that y’all might not remember him. Let me catch ya up real quick. 

Chris was my biggest fan. He discovered my existence through my blog, rather than through my website. He was only the second guy, at that time, that I’ve ever met that only read my blog, rather than actually visiting me on the website first. Indeed, he seemed to know me inside and out.

We met finally, after many months. He was so nervous. It was wonderful, though. Very sensual. Damn! What a wonderful experience!

Unfortunately, we didn’t have a whole lotta time due to the distance he was forced to drive to get to and from mine and his home. It was well over an hour each way. So, when we’d finished, we immediately checked the time. Only to discover that it was much, much later than we’d first assumed.

Suddenly, he was rushing towards the door, fumbling with his phone. It took me a moment to realize that he was attempting to pay for the gift card that was our agreed upon donation for that date.

I gently shooed him away with hugs, kisses, and promises to see him again, very soon. Of course, if he was late, and his wife were to find out, this experience would never get the opportunity to ever be repeated again.

I needed him out the door and on the road IMMEDIATELY, so that our little tryst would never be discovered. Then we could continue our friendship for however long we wished. So, I assured him that he could take care of it once he was finally safe at home.

Chris never did send that card. Are you surprised? I shouldn’t have been.

Nope. Never sent it at all. I never even received a message explaining why. I was confused, hurt, and feeling about as foolish as one person possibly could.

Well, get this. How about a month ago, I finally did receive a message from him. An email, actually. I don’t remember exactly what it said. Something like, “Hey. What’s up?”

Oh yeah. I do remember he said something about his dad dying. I wasn’t rude or anything.

I just emailed him right back explaining that, indeed, his father passing was very, very sad, and that I felt very, very sorry for him. However, I seriously doubted that his father passed away while he was on the highway between my house and his.

I don’t know what happened to him after that. He never messaged me ever again. I guess he honestly thought that you could just screw someone over, and then they would just forget about it after time. Sadly, that has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit, but I’m getting better at recognizing it. Still sucks, though.

I really am trying to do things differently this year. I don’t want those kinds of friends. So, I’m trying to treat people better. I said trying. I’m certainly not perfect at it. Okay, I’m less than perfect at it. But I do try. My intentions are good.

So, fuck that Chris! Why would I even bring him up?? Right? Well… That’s because today I finally met my REAL BIGGEST FAN! Chris. My NEW biggest fan.

I know. Crazy, right? Same name. I mean, I think it’s kinda interesting that they share the same name. How ironic is that??

Okay, so… Yes. Chris may be the most common name I can think of, but the Chris (my biggest fan) that I met today… Well, he is not common at all! Wow!

I always find myself stunned into silence when I realize that someone in this world is paying attention. Finding ANYONE paying attention to ANYTHING these days is rare, indeed.

Everyone now seems to be so into themselves that they hardly ever notice what’s going on around them. They make decisions based on opinions that they usually have borrowed from someone else. No facts. No truth. No investigation into the possible ramifications of these thoughtlessly made choices.

Maybe it’s just my overworked brain that is always picking up on all the stuff other people are always putting out. So, of course, I’m amazed when someone picks up anything that I’m emitting into the atmosphere. But, guess what? They are out there.

Chris, my NEW biggest fan… I have so much to say about him, but, truthfully, I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want to jinx it, spoil it, or ruin it in any way.

It was evident within the first two seconds of talking to him that this guy knew me. Knew me very, very well.

No. I mean, really, really knew me. If I’ve written it, he’s most likely read it. Which is kind of embarrassing, if you think about some of the crazy shit I’ve written. (Eek.)

I know. I’m so fucked up. And weird. I have all these crazy ideas about people. Oh. And… I’M OLD. Should I go on? And on… And on?

But I could tell you this, I liked him IMMEDIATELY. He smiled at me like he knew me through and through. And, yet… He still seemed to like me. Very much, actually. That made me very happy.

We smoked some loud, then chatted. I even forgot, for a moment, why he had cum. Naw! Of course, I didn’t. He was there to meet me. Oh yeah. And… to get the best head EVER. But that was just, like… You know. Like just an afterthought, I’m sure.

So, he knows me. He’s cute and funny. And, he tells me that he wants it from “THE MASTER”. Who wouldn’t be fuckin turned on??

Oh my God, was I turned on! I wanted him so badly… In my mouth. I wanted to show him my appreciation with my lips… And my tongue… And my gums. I even wanted to smack a little appreciation against my cheeks with his cock, at some point. Or was it the other way around?

No lie. Hands down. It was probably the best bj I’ve ever given. Just because I was so totally into it, and I absolutely loved takin my time and dragging it out of him ever so slowly.

It got to the point, that I just wanted him to take over so badly that I rolled him onto his side and allowed him to fuck the shit outta my face for, at least, ten minutes.

IT WAS INSANE! He was just plowing the back of my throat like a jackhammer! And, Chris is certainly NOT small, IN ANY WAY. And yet, there he was, just banging away. I could already tell that I was going to have a sore throat afterwards, but it was just so fuckin… right.

I allowed him to use me like a sloppy slut for those few moments. In return, I was rewarded with the most outrageously confident feeling. And, a steady thumping heartbeat pulsing deep within the sensitive flesh of my now greatly swollen clit.

Look. There have actually been a few times where I’ve cum, myself, right in the midst of sucking and licking some fella’s beautiful member. There was even a couple of times that this happened way before they even got off.

Now, I’m sure there are probably a lot of different factors that all must be into play for this to occur, but being super turned on is ALWAYS a must. I had surpassed all those factors with this fella!

But, it didn’t happen this time. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lead ya’ll on. No. What I’m saying is, even the times that I have orgasmed during, I still was nowhere near as excited as I was with him. And the pleasure was just as good! No. Better. Much, much better. Wish I knew why…

But the truth is still the same. You cannot fake the connection. It’s not like it’s a decision that you or I can make. It is a chemical reaction from within that I’ve yet to be able to explain fully. Neither have I heard it explained or described anywhere else, that I can recall.

I’m just here to tell ya, IT EXISTS. I picture a magnet that naturally attracts it’s opposite. Only, instead of attracting opposites, we attract others that, more often than not, are really nothing like us at all. Except for one thing…

Finally cummin together causes sparks, and fire, and a heat so great that both are totally consumed. A fusion so great that it is frightening. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. And DANGEROUS! OMG! So fuckin dangerous!

But, that connection… It cannot be fabricated. It cannot be duplicated. It either IS or IT IS NOT present.

My Biggest Fan, Chris and I ABSOLUTELY have IT!

Alright, friends. Ya’ll have heard enough. Hope you’ve enjoyed the latest woes of your favorite forgetful, clumsy, thoughtful, sarcastic, silly, over-glorified, slutty little whore of a friend.

On… And Thank You, Chris. Thank you so fuckin much for giving me my voice. I might be hoarse tomorrow, but I certainly  enjoyed EVERY MINUTE OF IT TODAY! And I really, really, REALLY appreciate you for listening. Like you are right now.❣

HEY! HATERS?? Ya’ll can cum back now. I feel bad for not including ya’ll more. Next time, assholes. I’ve had some kinda day! I’m expecting tonight’s dreams to be quite enjoyable, and can’t wait to sink beneath the sheets with my pup.

Awww! Ya’ll so nasty!

GOOD NIGHT, FREAKS!

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