You nasty little fuckers. All that free porn out there, and you’re still not satisfied. How is it possible that little ole me has awoken that primal beast you’d locked away so long ago with only words. Most of them expletives, at that.

Don’t fret. You’re cummin in loud and clear. And I assure you, you were never forgotten. I’ve yearned to reach out to you and tell you of my crazy week. However, I’ve been busy as hell.

It all finally paid off. In fact, I’m on my way over to pick up the keys to my new house, now. I can’t wait to take off my shoes and dig them into the carpet. That’s when I’ll finally believe I am home.