Parties & Puppies. Hook-Ups & Hookers.

Good morning,, my wonderful friends. I’m not quite back to myself yet, but I’m feeling a little bit more talkative. Last night was my family party. It was completely outrageous. 

I would say it was my dog’s fault, but really, it was my snobbish cousin’s fault. We planned a family gathering at her house, by her own suggestion. Unfortunately, she forgot that she suggested her in-laws, the OTHER side of her family, attend as well. Her double-wide trailer was really just too small. That didn’t seem to bother her.


Upon arriving, Dirty Sanchez (Spaz) immediately lifts his leg. I ended up holding him all night on the porch in the cold with the rest of my family, who were quite perturbed at the fact that their food was going into some other family’s mouth. But we’re friendly people. So, we left.


I made it home early to find I would be sleeping alone. It was the last night, and therefore, the last opportunity. I fell across the bed I never sleep in and passed the fuck out. It was a very heartbreaking night.


However, the time that was spent with my mom was precious. My mama is a special person. She has always supported and loved me despite usually not agreeing with me. She’s a good mother. And I know I’ll appreciate that time one day.


So, I awake this morning to find my contact lense stuck to a very puffy red eyeball. Once removed, I can see fine. So, I’m back with more flagrant uses of the word fuck and lots of naughty stories. Sorry it took me so long. Longest week of my life. Shortest week of my existence.


You know, my cousin’s husband was the one that found my dog last night doing the dirty deed. (Or about to do the dirty deed. Whatever.) Mind you, this man, who has been married to my cousin for over 25 years, has always been after my ass. I can recall being a teenager, and him fondling me when I went for the first and only ride on his motorcycle. And I recall being 18 and just having my baby and him propositioning me at a Big B drug store. He’s a dirty fucker. However, he had the right one. Although, he’ll never find out.


I’ve known my daughter’s father for over 20 years. Considering she’s 15, that’s a long time for me. I was never interested in him. Mostly because I was already dating his cousin way back then. (Oh, Daniel would have shit a brick had he found out I was ever with Charles. But then, that ended up happening anyway. Sorry Daniel.)

It’s not like it began that way. He may be a tattooed freak, but women are always attracted to him. He’s full of charm, charisma and natural ability to do ANYTHING he sets his mind to. Ahem. Not so much for his looks. I mean, he’s not bad looking, but he’s no Channing Tatem either.


I had a boyfriend about five years into our friendship. He was an asshole, and I certainly didn’t like him very much. At the time, I was renting a room in my house out to Charles, because we were really good friends. His girlfriend had just kicked him out. He was funny and witty and all those things that he’s always been, but I never experienced first hand. I wasn’t in love with him. I just wanted to fuck him!


And I did! In the play room of my house while my boyfriend slept. I didn’t do it intentionally. The truth is, when I met that Dickhead, I was cumming off of a celebate two year stint. I just wanted to fuck. But my boyfriend didn’t fuck me very fucking well. And he was a pussy in a way that’s hard to describe. He didn’t stand up for himself. I’m not sure he had anything to stand up for. I didn’t think very highly of him. I’m really not quite sure why we were together. Oh yeah. I remember that toothbrush holder thing. Woke up one morning and there’s his toothbrush next to mine. What the fuck! Who knew it would even last as long as it had? 


So, it was bound to happen. I loved the way Charles would just bend me over a barrel in the playroom and fuck me like nobody’s business with his long dick. (Back then I thought that you had to walk funny to have truly been fucked. Boy, I’ve cum a long way, baby.)


He was so forceful and honest about his need, and I loved it. I loved making eyes across my boyfriend to him. I loved making out in the kitchen when we thought no one was looking. I loved the adrenaline that deceiving him created.


One night, Charles and I got high on the couch smoking some really good green. (Nothing compared to today’s standards.) We laughed for hours. Then we walked down the road to our neighborhood playground, and he fucked me right there in the moonlight on a slide made for chiildren.


It was terrible to be honest with you. Oh, the sex was AMAZING. But he had me so excited, I had forgotten one very important thing. We had to come back to the playground afterwards to wash the long dark red stain from the slide. He thought it was funny. I thought it was horrendous. And we still laugh about it.


I used to love sucking his cock. In his truck. In my car. In my basement. In the playroom. In the bathroom. In the kitchen while making dinner. I can’t imagine how we ever got caught. But, damn. That man loved to have his dick sucked. I was a waitress, so I didn’t have too many long days. So, I made sure I put in all those extra hours at home licking the thick stick of my soon to be new boyfriend, Charles.


Damn, now I’m thinking about his big head. I mean his little head. No. I was right the first time… His big head. Whatever. I think it’s that always seems to happen when I talk sex with you people. Shit. Gotta take a little time for myself right now, friends. I’ll have to catch up with y’all a little later. Lots of love, hookers.


LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL.

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