A great, big, “hello”, to all of my friendly, fellow, fun-lovin, freaks. I do, so, love all of you, my comrads in kink. It’s a, truly, wonderful feeling to belong to such an amazingly, diverse group of individuals. You like me. You, really, like me. Despite, my many perversions…
Oh… Thank God, for that. Because… Well, I’ve, kinda, been a bad girl, recently. A bad girl. A bad adult. A bad mom… Just, plain, BAD!
Okay. So, I suppose, it started, several days ago. One of the fellas on ECCIE posted a link in our SANDBOX to an amateur porn vid. And, not, just, ANY kinda porn, either.
Nope. This one was starring… Dum, Dum, Dum, Dummmm… Vern Troyer. Oh, yes! Mini Me, himself!
Look. I’ve seen a lot of porn in my lifetime. I mean… A LOT of porn. I’ve, even, starred in a few (ahem) artistic pieces, myself, a time or two. But, this video was… Absolutely, mind-blowin, to say the least.
Hold on. I know what y’all must be thinking. In, NO WAY, was I, even, remotely, turned on by that teeny, tiny, little fellow.
Intrigued?? Perhaps. Unable to turn away?? Indeed. Intensely fascinated in some obscene, slightly, grotesque way?? Yup. Yup. Yup. You know me, too well, my friends.
But, turn me on?? Eek. Nah. That, it didn’t do. Well, not THAT video, in particular. NOT the wee, little man in that dark and grainy, homemade film.
Certainly, NOT the lil guy from the link posted, that had barely been recognizable, as he perched between the spread legs of an, absolutely, average-sized, lady. He used this, most intimate, of positions to pound away feverishly, at her sweetest of spots, laying, splayed, before him.
Man, he was just going at it with everything that he had, resembling, disturbingly enough, an infant throwing a very dedicated tantrum. Hilariously, enough, he, just, pumped and pumped away, furiously for moments on end.
Then, suddenly, he would collapse into this small heap of naked flesh, right down, on the center of her flat stomach. Thoroughly, exhausted.
You see, that’s, about, as far as his little arms COULD, even, reach in that position. He was standing (probably, on his little tiptoes), and perched at the, very, edge of her delicate, nether lips, poised to remain within her body. No matter what.
From that vantage, his fingertips could, only, reach as far up her long, lean, female form, as his own body would allow. Then, no further. That spot was on her lower stomach. It was alarming to see him like that! What a sight!
Surely, now, you can, clearly, see why I found it, so, difficult to turn away from the carnage of that video. When the screen, finally, did fall into darkness, there I sat. Stock still. Frozen in disbelief. I, just, couldn’t believe that I watched THE WHOLE FUCKIN THANG!
Oh, but, I, most definitely, did watch the whole dang thang. In fact, I, probably, would have watched it, at least, once or twice, more. If not, for the sheer abundance of EVERY, SINGLE PORN IMAGINABLE available, RIGHT NOW, and RIGHT HERE, on my, very, own phone.
I do, so, love a short man. But, perhaps, a midget is, just, a little WAY, WAAAAYYYY, too small for me. Jesus, I would be far, too concerned for his safety to, ever, have a good time. True story.
I didn’t spend, even, one more moment of my life thinking about that tiny movie star, again, without his clothes on. Although, admittedly, that image is, most likely, going to be burned into the back of my skull forever, more.
Surprisingly, as I turned away from the little man on screen, I noticed a bit of slickness had formed along the tender crease created by my closed thighs, hiding my swollen nether lips, and guarding the entrance to my body from prying eyes. Instantaneously, the faint buzz of a live, sexual, current began to creep, like static electricity, along my flesh.
Now, how shocked are you to find out that I, immediately, felt the need to watch something as titillating, as it was disturbing?? Yup. Exactly as I thought. Y’all, truly, do know me, so, very, very, well.
It was, only, after, about, three or four of these short, hardcore, porn videos that I realized, IT HAD BEGUN. My body was aflame with desire and need, and, just, the most intense craving to get off, began to overload my senses and begged for relief. I was desperate for that deeper satisfaction that has, always, accompanied my, truly, grandest of squirts.
There was only one problem. On THAT DAY, my son and his girlfriend were visiting. We had, already, enjoyed a good dinner, earlier, and, then, settled down onto my king size bed to watch a couple of new movies. Only, about halfway through the first one, I turned to find them snuggled down comfortably in my pillows and blankets and, were peacefully snoring, right away.
I left them behind me, and snuck out of the room, quietly, and retreated to my dining / office / laundry / family room to begin checking my messages and cruising the usual websites.
ECCIE’s Panhandle Forum was, unusually, quiet as shit that day. Sundays, can, sometimes, be like that. But, there, in bold print, was a thread I’d been ignoring for the past several days.
It was a link to an amateur porn tape of a, rather, famous, fella. I, really, wasn’t sure I wanted to watch it at all, considering… Well, I was, almost, 100% positive that I WOULD NOT enjoy it.
Cum on. Y’all know me. It was a porno! Of course, I’ve GOTTA watch it! I mean, eventually. So, that’s exactly what I did. I watched THE ENTIRE FUCKIN VIDEO!
Are you beginning to understand, yet, the depths of my perversion, my dear friends?? There I was, attempting to perform the duties of a kind, patient, understanding, loving, mother, all, in one moment. Watching midget porn, the next moment. Before I know it, I’ve become, completely, immersed in the, ever-rising, fever that I’ve cum to recognize as a side effect of my MANY, wild, porn marathons.
This, my entire descent into the dirty and obscene world that is banned porn, all, took place while those two love birds, simply, slept the afternoon away in my bed, just, in the room, next door. I knew I shouldn’t, but, I, simply, couldn’t help myself.
Okay. Perhaps you’ve picked up on the fact that I’m, really, not used to having friends sleepover. Or children. Or animals. Or… You get it.
So, you can imagine, I had, absolutely, NO basis for comparison in this type of situation. How long DO teenagers sleep for, during naps?? Argh. Naps! Must be nice!
Under the, usual, circumstances, I, really, could have cared less. But, just… NOT THAT DAY. On THAT DAY, I found myself struggling against the magnetic force of my, very, own, unbridled lust. Suddenly, the answer became, so, very, very, clear. I was, desperately, in need of a good vibrator.
Unfortunately, every, last, one of my toys were tucked safely and discretely away… IN MY BEDROOM! Through the slight of the crack in the door, I could observe them, still, stretched, haphazardly, across the expanse of my large bed.
I snuck, quietly, past them, again, and made my way into the bathroom, fully expecting to find my favorite toy, right, on the other side of the door. It would be plugged in, fully charged, and ready to go. Like, always.
Only, it wasn’t there. It wasn’t anywhere. As a matter of fact, not only was my massager missing, I didn’t, even, see the charger for it that had always hung, right there, next to the bathroom door. It was the, only, thing in my house capable of charging my beautiful, buzzing, buddy, so, I, never, ever, moved it anywhere else.
It, just, wasn’t there. Not on the counter. Not on the floor. Not anywhere, that I saw, nearby.
I’m sure, I, probably, could have put forth, a bit, more effort in the search for my beloved friend, but, the truth was… Well, I was incapable of MUCH, by that time.
I was aching to touch myself. Or, have something (OR SOMEONE ELSE), do that for me. Being, that, my toy bag lay, only, about three or four feet from my first born and his girlfriend’s entangled limbs, I was left with very few options.
NEVER, in my life, have I eyeballed appliances, OF ANY KIND, in, quite, the same, disturbingly, filthy way, that I did, on THAT DAY. Like, I was doing… At that, very, moment.
Sure. I have a big, ole, washing machine that vibrates and gyrates, and shudders, rhythmically, with each and every load interjected into it’s boring life. Oh, yeah. But, it is out on my back porch and shared by myself AND two of my neighbors.
I could, just, picture myself sitting high, atop that jostling, beastly, machine. I’m interrupted, unexpectedly, by someone. Could be ANYONE. This person would, undoubtedly, never, fully, comprehend my true intentions, and, possibly, even, think me, some kinda, pervert.
But, most likely, they would run from me. Run, just, far enough, away. They would share this, newfound, info with, just, about, anyone. Most likely, someone, like, my landlord. Just, for a good reason to chuckle, a bit. Great.
It’s fucked up, really. I guess. But, I, just, needed something. Urgently! I, suddenly, caught sight of an old friend.
There, on the bathroom counter, sat a boiling pin shaped, bottle of bath wash, that, somehow, I’ve managed to keep wth me for over 3 years, now. It was completely full, still. It’s contents, ALL, very much, intact. It swiftly disappeared inside my vagina, without any effort, at all. Sweet.
Within, just, a few moments (And, I AM talking moments, NOT minutes), I heard the creaking of the door to my bedroom as it was pushed wide, slowly. Out, stumbles my son and his new girlfriend. One, right after, the other.
Groggy, and with eyelids, half-shut, against the reality of the afternoon sun, now, beaming through my living room windows, they entered the room, slowly. Very, very slowly.
Shuffling along, together, both, seemed, deeply enmeshed within a trance-like state, as they glided across my carpet. Their gait, very similar to that of the zombies, we’ve all become so accustomed to seeing on tv and in, so, many, movies, these days.
No worries. Even the living dead, walkin, couldn’t frighten me away from the current mission, I found myself on. I had to soothe that beast of desire, right now.
You know what I’m saying. That monster… The one, snarling and pacing, so deep, within me. It HAD to be tamed!
The young couple, just, seemed to appear in my living room, together. Dazed by slumber and semi-consciousness, they had left my bedroom standing vacant. I would bet, they weren’t, even, aware of my swift departure into it’s darkness, timed simultaneously, with their arrival.
Indeed. They WERE, already, here! I, just, stood, motionless, as they excited my room. Then, I made a direct bee-line for that room. Now, the hunt, truly, was on. The search for my, MOST FAVORITE, of ALL, my toys…
I scanned the space, swiftly, from one side to the other. Then, back, again. And, then, once more. Nothing. Nothing, nowhere. Nada. No how.
A few months ago, I, impulsively, purchased a vibrator from Walmart. AHA! Didn’t know they, even, sold them! Did you?? Me, either!
It was the simplest of wands, only offered in the color, purple, and made by the Trojan brand. Even it’s $35 price tag, did nothing to persuade me that Mr. Sam Walton, or, ANY, other, Walmart employee, gave, even, two craps about me experiencing orgasms in this lifetime. But, I refused to be daunted.
The bag, where I store my, most, personal of toys, leaned, heavily, against one of the legs at the foot of my bed. It’s sides bulged, greatly, beneath the sheer magnitude and weight of my, many, different, fake cocks, cock rings, and, countless, containers of lubricant.
I shifted several of the dildos and bottles of lube to one side of my naughty, toy bag, steadily searching for my, all-time, favorite, orgasm creator. You, simply, would not believe how distracting it can be to find a phallus when wading through a sea of phallic objects. Whew! Talk about WORK! What a mess!
Suddenly, one of these objects began rattling from beneath the heap. I jumped, then, furiously, began taking down the pile, one rubber penis, at a time. Until, the bag was, practically, empty. As the culprit, finally, came into view, my Spidey senses began to tingle, alarmingly.
Who shops for dildos at the 24 hour, corner store?? Of course, that was NEVER my intention. Well, not originally.
I was, actually, in that aisle to purchase a new batch of condoms for my “JOB”. Seated, directly, beside the vast “Safe Sex” department in my local Wally World, there was an entire row of empty slots. Together, they formed a large, naked hole, at the center of the entire display.
This wide, open, space was void of any stickers, tags, or merchandise. There were channels built into the shelf, capable of holding many, different, retail items.
Only, it seems, someone must have forgotten to stock this area, because, absolutely, NOTHING was placed, there. NOTHING, except one, single box that stood, all alone, at the furthest edge of it all.
You see, I had, previously, ordered the cutest, little, pink vibrator, about a week earlier. I’d been waiting, impatiently, ever since. Yeah. Well, I, definitely, do not, even, cum close to excelling in the patience department. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
So, on my trip to Walmart that week, I cruised the condoms aisle. Just, like, I always do. My anticipation for the brand new, pink stimulator, due to arrive in my mailbox, just, any day, had steadily grown into, the most, unavoidably, high fever pitch that, I feared, everyone else would, eventually, also, be able to hear it.
It’s vibrating pulse mimicked a heartbeat, (the truest sign of life for a living being) by pumping away, increasingly, in response to the intensity of sexual frustration, actively, being emitted through the pores in my skin.
Like a beacon of hope bursting forth, amidst a sky of dark and angry storm clouds. Suddenly, the bright, purple base of a cylindrical object, violently, jerked it’s length across the open palm of my left hand.
In fact, it shook, SO, FORCEFULLY in this small space, that EVERYTHING, laying ANYWHERE, nearby it, was, also, forced to move and jerk, ever, rearranging the terrain made up of sexy stimuli on the floor of my toy bag.
Truthfully, I’m surprised I hadn’t used it more than I have. I mean, it’s small stature was the primary reason it had, recently, become my favorite when enjoying an afternoon snack of mutual masturbation with any of my friends.
But, overall, it’s existence has been, quite easily, forgotten by me, as it sat quietly at the, very, bottom of my toys. It’s life’s purpose, totally empty and unfulfilled.
I know. It sounds, as if, maybe, it, really, wasn’t much different from, most, of my other, adult, play-things. Lemme, just, assure you, though. That didn’t have ANYTHING to do with it’s ability to bring me pleasure OR give me satisfaction.
Actually, it was, kinda, excellent at both. Rest assured, Trojan made this fella, one, powerful, little, mother fucker. Each of its five speeds were intense as fuck, and all were proficient at creating multiple orgasms for me, at any given time. This very, small machine was totally capable of thrusting me directly into the path of some of the, most, extremely explosive and, downright, delicious climaxes I’ve, ever, had the privilege of experiencing, firsthand.
Then, just, two days after it’s purchase, my pulsating, pink, princess vibrator arrived in the mail. Immediately, my tiny, Trojan friend, just, seemed to blend into the scenery of my life, and drop, steadily, closer and closer to the very bottom of my bag of tricks.
I snatched up the purple wand, the word, “Trojan”, clearly engraved into the hard plastic of its handle. I didn’t, even think. I, simply, rushed for the bathroom door, and slung it shut behind me.
After two more trips into the dining room, the living room, and the bedroom (AGAIN!), to check for batteries, it was, finally, up and running away. Or, rather… I had it Down and VIBRATING away… LIKE A DEMON.
Now, picture this. There I am. My shorts have been yanked down, furiously, and, now, were, just, hanging there, just barely, around my ankles. My feet are perched, tenuously, on the edge of the tub, allowing my body to lean, even further, back against the seat and bathroom wall.
Although, I was seated, the jerking motion of my new, purple friend, was swathing a path of pure pleasure across the entire landscape, now, exposed by my ditched clothing. And, I COULDN’T STOP. I, simply, could NOT stop, and I, certainly, didn’t want to.
All of that day’s activities had, finally, culminated into this, one, act of self-love upon myself. My earlier, lofty expectations of being the best mother possible, were, also, ditched, at that, exact, same moment.
You see, in that moment, there was nothing of concern to me. Only, one thing, truly, seemed to, matter. One thing.
I WAS GONNA CUM. I was gonna cum. Not later, but, right, fuckin, NOW. I WAS GONNA CUM.
Despite my initial, natural, God-given, instinctive, reaction to turn on the tap, crumple up a paper wrapper, or cough, feverishly, I did nothing to disguise the buzzing echoing loudly along the tiny bathroom’s four walls. I didn’t, even, try to whisper the many pleas, now, spilling, unconsciously, and often, from my barely parted lips.
And, when my climax had reached it’s highest apex, and, deliriously, I began to mutter the, single, word “no”, over and over, and over, again, repeatedly, with ever-increasing passion and, far more, volume… Well, I just went with it. I, finally, came. I came loud and proud.
After reaching my second orgasmic, plateau, I didn’t, even, attempt to try to stop the operatic expletives, brought on by that blissful emotion. They, just, came, pouring freely, from my lips, ever louder, each and every time a wave of pleasure crashed along my throbbing and sensitive, exposed flesh.
As I cleaned up, reality, finally, seeped back in. Oh, no. What had I done? I had to regain my composure. Quickly. I needed to exit that small, humid, space and face the confusion, I’d, most undoubtedly, left in my wake.
My attempts to keep the kids from discovering my, purely, greedy and, completely, selfish intentions throughout, most, of that day had, just, been laid bare to everyone within earshot. I know. I, really, should have been embarrassed.
But, NOT THAT DAY. Certainly, NOT at that moment. It wasn’t, even, possible. Because… Well, there was, already, another one on it’s way. FUCK!
“No. No. NO. NO, NO…”
“Oh, God! YES!!”